Ice Queen
by Ellis Mackenzie
Summary: [Alternate History] Amy finally chooses between Colin and Ephram.
1. Eternal Optimism

**Author's Note: ** Just so no one is lost, I thought I'd take a moment and state, up front, that this is an Alternate History fic, taking place a few months after Colin's second surgery.

* * *

"Hey cutie." 

The girlish whisper made his senses tingle in the most satisfying way, her heavy breath tickling his ears.

"Hey," Ephram smiled, turning his head to look at the girl now sitting down beside him. Amy Abbott was a powerful young woman—more powerful than Ephram really believed she knew. With a flick of that long blonde hair and a bat of her thick, perfectly shaped eyelashes, Amy could get almost anyone to do anything. Ephram was especially prone to her advances and exploitations; he and everyone else in Everwood knew it.

"So what are you doing after school?" Amy's eyes twinkled secretively as she leaned in to grin and speak directly into his ear. "Want to meet me at the back of the bleachers after school?"

Ephram cocked his head to one side, slowly raising his left eyebrow in thought. "Why?"

"Why?" Amy's voice assumed an almost chiding tone, the one she used when she truly wanted Ephram to do something for her and wanted to guilt him into it. "Why do I need a reason to hang out with a handsome stud like you?"

"Handsome stud? Want to check my teeth before the auction?" The sarcasm slipped out of Ephram's mouth as if he could not control it. Amy looked offended as she sniffed slightly and adverted her eyes to the table next to theirs. The cafeteria was just now filling up, and Amy seemed eager to finish her business with Ephram so she could continue on with her daily school life.

Ephram sensed her impatience and sighed. "I'm sorry, Amy. Had a bad night last night."

"Aww," Amy said sympathetically, bringing her delicate eyebrows to form a concerned expression. She slid her right hand up Ephram's back and let it rest on his shoulder. Her right hand traced lightly up his chest to clasp onto her left. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. "You can tell me all about it after last period."

"Amy?" An impatient voice rose above the usual lunch time noises. Ephram could see Kayla weeding her way though the growing throngs of hungry students, her head moving quickly from side to side, trying to find her friend.

"See you then," Amy said hurriedly, her arms retracting quickly.

"Yeah, then…" Ephram said, trailing off as Amy rushed off. He watched her walk up to Kayla and smile widely. Kayla said something and Amy laughed—a sweet, wonderful sound that Ephram could hear even from his distant position. He sighed as he watched her walk away towards the doors, his heart fairly aching in its ardent wishing he was beside her right now.

He could still feel the pressure of her tiny arms around his neck… he still heard the sweet murmuring in his ears… he could still feel the jitters in his stomach—those butterflies that fluttered to and fro when she was near him.

Ephram shook his head violently. _No_, he told himself, standing and picking up his lunch tray. Distractedly he threw his remaining food away and wandered out of the cafeteria, headed nowhere in particular. He found himself on the winding concrete path that traced around the school campus. He followed it mindlessly as the arguments inevitably began to raise in his head, as they always did after Amy left him… always after she left him.

_You can't go on like this, Ephram,_ he told himself firmly, unconsciously frowning. _You can't let her tramp all over you at her convenience… you can't let her take what she wants when she wants at your expense._

_But it's not at your expense,_ a tiny voice said inside his head. _She has strong feelings for you: everyone knows that._

_Yes, but what sort of feelings?_ His conscience pricking at his common sense. _Pity? Utter contempt? Which is the lesser evil when the battleground is in my heart?_

_She loves you, Ephram… she just can't bring herself to tear away from Colin,_ the other voice countered quietly.

_Love? Ha! Why would she use me?_

_To get close to you… excuses, excuses—all to get next to you,_ the voice said gently. Ephram could feel his heart begin to beat quicker as the thought of Amy loving him sank in. But before his heart could even consider flight, his conscience pricked again.

_Excuses, excuses is right,_ his conscience said. _She has no more love for you than a master her slave. That's what you are, Ephram… a pathetic slave to a girl who will never care for you in the same way you care for her._

_Not true,_ his heart spoke up, firmly but kindly. _Deep inside, Amy Abbott loves you, Ephram Brown, in some form or another… just wait; you'll see._

_If she loves me_, Ephram thought to himself. _Why does she only talk to me when no one's around? Why did she wait until Colin was in rehab to take such an interest in me? Why now?_

Suddenly, the harsh tone of the warning bell rang, amplified by the multiple mechanisms. As the students outside began to trickle back into the building, Ephram stepped forward into the group of mingling student body. As he inched towards the entrance, he sighed.

"Eternal optimism," Ephram said hatefully under his breath, staring at the brick building looming before him. "Ain't it a kick in the ass."


	2. Quality Time

Amy was already there when Ephram shuffled his way to the back of the bleachers. Amy smiled as she stepped forward and took his hand.

"This way," she whispered, backing up slowly. She was leading him to the underbelly of the seats, carefully out of sight of anyone who might be watching. When she was satisfied no one would see, she stopped and smiled girlishly. "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or do I have to guess?"

"What do you mean, what's wrong?" Ephram asked slowly, studying her face. He knew Amy was attempting to hide this meeting, but he wondered if it was because she was truly ashamed of him or just didn't want any rumors tracing back to Colin.

Amy shrugged her thin shoulders as she leaned against the metal framework of the bleachers. She bit a nail unconsciously as she looked at him. "I just wanted you to relax, Ephram. Chill out. Enjoy the time we have together."

"So this is what you call 'quality time'?" Ephram asked, smiling slightly and raising an eyebrow. Amy laughed as she pulled her parka closer to her body.

"Yes, Ephram. This is our quality time." For a moment, Amy just stood there, smiling prettily at Ephram. His smile faded into an expression somewhere between hurt and contentment. Amy stepped forward and took his hands in hers while she leaned in to whisper, "Our time."

Ephram had left his gloves in his locker and the bitter November air had a distinct bite to it, making his hands deathly cold. Amy shivered mockingly while she smiled. "Your hands are cold, Ephram."

"I know," he grinned sheepishly, suddenly very embarrassed that he hadn't remembered his gloves. "I left my glo—"

Amy's face thrust forward into his, an action on Amy's behalf that Ephram did not object to. Instead, he pushed down the images in his head—images of Amy and Colin—and kissed the young girl with a simple passion that surprised even her. Her hands slid up his arms and settled at the base of his neck. Ephram's hands gravitated naturally to Amy's waist, although his large hands quickly enveloped her tiny hips.

"Amy Abbott! Amy Ni-cole!"

Amy tore her lips from Ephram's, much to his disappointment. He had just gotten into the full feeling of the kiss when she'd broken off. He stared at her wordlessly as her eyes darted around, looking for the name shouter.

"What?" She shouted back cautiously. Her arms were still around Ephram, her body still next to his.

_So close,_ he mused. _Yet so far away. _Before she had a chance to pull away completely from him, he stepped away. She looked half disappointed, but her fear of being discovered with Ephram was a bigger concern at the moment.

"C'mon. We need to get home." The voice was clearer now, louder and easily recognizable: it was Bright, and he didn't sound very happy.

Amy stepped into Ephram and looked into his eyes. "See you tomorrow, Ephram." Standing on her tip toes, she planted a quick kiss on his cheek, whirled around, and ran off. The way her hair bounced as she disappeared reminded Ephram of a skittish deer disappearing once discovered.

When Amy was gone, he sighed. It always ended like this. No matter what Amy and he were doing, they were always interrupted and cut short. Every time he got that close to her, psychically or emotionally, his hopes began to build frantically. His false hopes always made him feel that maybe _this_ time it was different, that _this_ time he and Amy could have a sporting chance.

But it always ended the same. Ephram would stand and watch Amy walk away, feeling deflated and used. In his anger and disappointed hurt, he always swore it would never happen again… That he wouldn't even let Amy make him feel like that again, that he would come when she called like an obedient puppy. But every time he did, making him feel more used than the last time.

"You'd think I'd learn," Ephram said bitterly, glaring the metal around him. Inwardly, he kicked himself for being so foolish. With a deep sigh, Ephram turned and began his lonely trek back to the school to pick up his bike so he could go home.

The ride home was not nearly as cold as the trip to school had been that morning. Ephram wondered idly if it was because the temperature had really changed, or if the imagined warmth was coming from himself, emanating from part of his skin that Amy had touched.


	3. Love Or Something Like It

For a week after their encounter under the bleachers, Ephram avoided Amy like he would the plague. She did not try to approach him during school, but she did call the Brown household multiple times, looking for Ephram.

"It's Amy," Andy said, putting his hand over the phone. He smiled encouragingly at Ephram, who was doing his homework on the kitchen table. "You want to talk?"

"Tell her I'm busy," Ephram said flatly. Andy looked surprised at Ephram's unenthusiastic tone, but relayed the reply. After he hung up the phone, Andy Brown studied his son.

Ephram was busy all right, but certainly not doing anything productive. Ephram was staring moodily into his science textbook, not even pretending to read it. Andrew walked around the counter and sat at the table, his eyes never leaving Ephram.

"Ephram?" Andy asked. Ephram's back stiffened slightly.

"What?"

Andy hesitated slightly. "Is there something wrong? I mean, something you'd care to share with me?"

"What would give you the impression that I'd want to share _anything_ with you?" Ephram asked facetiously, bringing his eyes to meet his father's. "Was it the fifteen years of silence or something else?"

Andy was used to Ephram's sarcastic lashings and did not falter. He could sense an underlying feeling of pain in his son and he was hoping Ephram would give him a chance to help.

"Not exactly," Andy finally replied. He brought his hands above the table and folded them neatly in front of him. "Just the fact you look like you've gotten your heart trampled on."

Ephram's head jerked towards his father, obviously surprised at Andy's intuitiveness. However, Ephram couldn't bring himself to let his guard down so easily. His eyes narrowed as he said, "How would you know?"

"Because you're speaking to a man who had his heart trampled on in the most horrible and permanent way," Andy said gently, and suddenly in Ephram's head flashed pictures, moments—memories—of his mother. His heart berated him, as if to say his father's pain in regards to his mother was much greater than Ephram's could ever be towards Amy. Quickly, the anger and tension left Ephram and he sighed tiredly.

"It's Amy," he said quietly, lowering his gaze to the table.

"I guessed," Andy said, a small attempt at humor. Ephram tried to smile.

"She's a strange girl," Ephram spoke softly, gently rubbing his hands together as he tried to think of the proper words to accurately describe his feelings towards Amy and love in general.

Andy nodded understandingly. "Go on."

"She's a beautiful person, Dad. Outside she's stunning and inside she's so _complex_. She's just seems to be everything you could want, you know?" Ephram risked a quick glance to Andy's face. "Or is that stupid?"

"It's not stupid, son, it's love. Or something very much like it," Andy said. "Would you believe me if I told you Amy's not perfect?"

"Yes," Ephram said without hesitation. As much as he cared for Amy, he put her on no pedestals. He had no fantasies about her being without blemish.

"Would you believe me if I told you your mother wasn't perfect?"

Ephram cringed inwardly at the use of past tense. Even though more that a year had passed, his mother's absence in his life was most definitely missed. "Yes."

Andrew smiled as he leaned across the table. "Would you believe me if I told you I thought she was?"

Ephram looked at his father quizzically. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I thought she was perfect when I married her, and to this day I still have believe it. Not that I presume that she truly was perfect in the most accurate sense of the word. She was---" Andy searched for the best explanation he could give. "She was perfect in the sense that she wasn't perfect… she had her faults and I had mine… but in her, her faults seemed so perfectly mixed up in who she was that I couldn't _help_ but love her. Do you understand?"

Ephram thought for a moment before answering. "Yeah, I think I do… in some weird way."

Andrew smiled encouragingly. "Keep that in mind, son, okay?"

Ephram nodded and managed a smile himself. Andrew stood up from the table and wished Ephram a good night. He was almost out of the kitchen when Ephram spoke up gratefully.

"Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it," Ephram smiled, half embarrassed.

The reply was something Andrew never truly believed he'd hear. The past year and a half had been so violent and turbulent, with all the fighting and arguing. Those five simple words told Andy something somewhere was working right, for once. It gave him hope that one day he and Ephram would have a decent father-son relationship.

Andrew smiled and continued on to his room. Ephram's thoughts were now going fully into a different direction and rendered him unable to concentrate on his homework. Ephram closed his books and retired to his room. He lay down on his bed with his hands behind his head, just staring at the ceiling and thinking about his father's words. Eventually he fell asleep, the first peaceful sleep he'd had in more than a week.


	4. Perfect

The next day at school proved to be quite a trial for Ephram, despite the previous night's peaceful end. It all started, as most things did in that decrepit high school, with Wendell.

"Hey, E. Wow, I wasn't sure you'd even show for school today." Wendell, as usual, had come up behind Ephram and nearly scared him half to death. Wendell was holding a cheap plastic liter in his hands, which he passed from one hand to the other. Wendell had a bad habit of fiddling with things to keep himself busy, a habit which Ephram found extremely annoying.

"And why wouldn't I?" Ephram asked pointedly. Obviously, Wendell knew something important that affected him personally. Ephram also found this particular trait of his friend aggravating—Wendell seemed to find out all Ephram's news before Ephram did.

Wendell seemed taken aback. "Did you forget, man? Colin gets out of rehab today."

"Oh," was all Ephram could think of to say. He felt like a cold piece of metal had pierced his heart and twisted slightly, to make it that much more painful. "Yeah, I kinda forgot."

"I am so sorry, man," Wendell said immediately, seeing the wounded look on Ephram's face. "I thought you knew."

Ephram nodded because he no longer trusted his own voice. He didn't know if it would wobble, crack or maybe even not come out at all. Feeling a bit like he'd been slugged in the stomach, Ephram closed his locker. He swallowed a few times, trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat before he managed to speak. "Look I gotta go."

"Yeah, man. Catch up to you later," Wendell said quickly. He could sense that Ephram need to be alone and quickly walked away.

Ephram made his way to the men's room as quickly as he could. Upon entering, he saw a few kids at the urinals, so he headed straight for one of the stalls and locked the door. He waited impatiently for the bell to ring so the bathroom would be emptied. When Ephram was alone in the restroom, he carefully exited the stall. Leaning against the tiled wall, Ephram slid down until he was sitting. He brought his knees to his chest and laid his head on his knees, inwardly kicking himself for being so unobservant.

He had wondered why he hadn't seen Amy in the front of the school today, surrounded by her usual entourage of bitchy friends. He had wondered why Bright had been so subdued when Ephram had seen him in the halls… Ephram had even wondered why everyone seemed to be whispering until he walked by, and once by, the whispering kicked up again. It seemed so obvious now, looking back.

_Of course,_ he thought. _Of course it would happen this way. For once I feel comfortable about me and Amy… and what we have together… and now Colin's back in the thick of things._

_Now,_ Ephram realized with a familiar pang, _Now it's back to Amy ignoring me for Colin's sake. It's back to Ephram being the outcast, unwanted and unloved. Amy and Colin the happy couple, so freakin' perfect._

_Perfect,_ Ephram thought, recalling his conversation with his father. _Unperfectly perfect._


	5. The Big Picture

"Ephram?"

Ephram froze on the spot at the sound of that hesitant voice. He looked up to see Amy standing directly behind the bike rack, right next to his bike.

"What?" Ephram asked bluntly, making eye contact for a moment. When he saw the cold, impersonal look behind her eyes he looked away, suddenly very interested in his bike chain.

"Look, I know you're mad at me right now, but we have to talk," Amy said quietly. She looked around as if to make sure no one saw her talking with Ephram.

"I thought you were busy welcoming Colin home," Ephram said, straightening up and putting his hands on his handlebars.

"I am, I mean, I was," Amy corrected herself. Amy's foot tapped unconsciously, clearly relating her impatience. "He's resting at home right now… Could we talk on the ski trail?"

The ski trail was on the outskirts of the school, almost hidden by the small trees. It was there that Ephram had gone to meet Amy secretly the first time, only to see Bright and his various goons. It was there that Bright hit him and Amy saved him. He'd always felt humiliation of having been saved by a girl half his size, so the ski trail held no special place in his heart.

"Yeah," Ephram caved. He knew Amy was counting on his weakness for her and that infuriated him further. But he knew he couldn't ignore Amy forever, no matter how much he wanted to, so he agreed.

"Let's go," Amy said as she turned and began to walk. Ephram walked slowly beside her, carefully wheeling his bicycle around the inevitable dips in the uneven ground. They did not speak until they reached the wooded cove, and even once they had arrived, silence reigned supreme. After a few minutes, Amy broke the silence.

"Colin's doing okay," she offered quietly, looking at Ephram's emotionless expression.

"Oh good, I was worried." Ephram fought to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but some slipped out. Amy took a deep breath and tried to ignore it as she continued on.

"Colin retained all of his memories… he hasn't forgotten anything he relearned from last time around," Amy's eyes brightened as she talked, sounding excited and happy for Colin. Ephram searched his heart for good will but found it currently lacking.

"He hasn't forgotten anything?" Ephram asked.

"No; isn't that wonderful?" Amy smiled, then sighed contentedly. A shadow crossed Ephram's face briefly, although Amy didn't notice.

"So I guess that means he won't be taking a bat to anything anymore or shattering windows with his fist?" Ephram's tone made Amy blush deeply. It angered her to hear Ephram talk about Colin like a mindless idiot, something in the way of what he wanted. Before she could say something that she regretted, however, she took a deep breath.

"Okay, Ephram, I know you're pissed off and I'm sure you have your reasons. But please, let's put aside our personal feelings and look at the big picture," Amy spoke with an infuriating calmness. Her tone reflected that of a mother trying to chastise one of her children for being self-indulgent.

"Big picture?" Ephram sneered, finally letting his emotions show on his face. "What big picture? The big picture where you use me when you can get what you _really_ want, or the big freakin' picture of you and Colin that this whole town has in their heads?"

"Ephram, stop being childish," Amy commanded curtly, holding up a hand. Her eyebrows knitted crossly. "Be _mature_ for a moment, will you? This is miraculous; can't you see that? Colin's _fine_. He _remembers_ me… There's no more arms in slings or memories written on tiny bits of paper to help him through the day. He's fine."

"I get it: Colin's good. You're happy for him and you. That's fine," Ephram said hotly, his eyebrows furrowing together in his anger. "But what does that have to do with me or the 'big picture'?"

Amy bit her lip as she thought about her words. Finally, she sighed and said, "Ephram… we need to back off for a bit… so that Colin and I can have some time to… readjust. So we can have some time to get back into our routine." She smiled sweetly. "Can you do that?"

"Are you asking me if I can back off and give you and Colin breathing room?" Ephram asked incredulously. When Amy cocked her head to the side in confusion, Ephram went on. "Like I'm the one _perpetuating_ this relationship!"

"Well I certainly don't see you backing down when I ask you to do things!" Amy shot back, crossing her arms across her chest. "Don't act like this is all my fault!"

An intense mixture of anger, sadness, fear and embarrassment welled up inside Ephram, threatening to explode violently. Ephram managed to keep his feelings at bay, but they threatened to break through his attempts. Amy's attitude of "forgive and forget YOU" not only hurt him to the core, but scarred his youthful heart. Although Amy had inflicted many wounds on him before, some intentional others not, never had it pained him this much.

"Forget this," Ephram said, trying not to let on he was close to crying. He turned quickly, wheeling his bike around and preparing to mount and ride off. Before he could leave the cove of trees, Amy asked him a question. Her voice was tearful, as if she were afraid she were going to burst into tears.

"Why are you being like this, Ephram? Why are you being so _mean_ and _hateful_? Honestly, Ephram, do you care about _anything_?"

Amy's questions rubbed Ephram's sense of justice in the wrong way. Her pretended innocence in this matter infuriated him to no end. Instead of turning around and screaming obscenities like he wanted to, he turned and swallowed the lump in his throat. It was a time for truth… truth that he was sure was going to hurt her terribly, but could not be avoided any longer. At first, Ephram thought she was just callous about inflicting emotional injury on the people she continually used, but now he wondered if she knew at all how much she hurt them.

Ephram threw his bicycle down onto the snowy ground and stepped towards Amy. She involuntarily moved back, as if she thought Ephram would hit her. Ignoring the implication, Ephram grabbed her arms, forcing her to look into his eyes as he spoke.

"You don't see the pain you cause to others and even if you could I'm not sure you'd even be bothered by it. You could have such a caring heart, Amy, but it hardens so easily. It freezes and blinds you to the people you hurt. You have a cold, cold heart Amy. You're like an ice queen, all frozen and distant. You're frozen, Amy, to anyone but Colin… and you'll stay an ice queen as long as you continue to use people like you do."

Ephram fought hard against his tears, but in the end they won out. Three tears reluctantly slid down his face in rapid succession. His nose quivered and he turned quickly, as if to hide any further weakness from Amy. Amy saw the pitiful look on his face before he turned and it melted her heart slightly. For a moment, time seemed to slow. The beating of her heart thundered in her ears as she watched him walk away, her body and mind torn between what she wanted to do and what she thought she should do.

In the end, she did nothing. Nothing but watch Ephram walk slowly away, leaving his bike in the snow, one wheel spinning in the slight breeze. Amy shivered as Ephram disappeared from her sight, and then, sighing, she made her own way home. In her heart, she knew she was right and Ephram was wrong. She would show him—she was no ice queen.


	6. Getting Over It

For days afterward, Amy refused to speak to Ephram. She avoided him when possible, but when she couldn't, she spoke as brief and frostily as she could manage. Her attitude saddened Ephram, but he could not blame her for acting so spurned; he could not be so sure he would not be the same if the situation were reversed.

What made those cold November days go by, strangely enough, was Wendell. Wendell could sense there was a serious breach between Ephram and Amy, more so than usual. He tried to keep Ephram's mind off it as best he could, but even Wendell could tell Ephram's mind was fully elsewhere.

Ephram was sure that in her anger Amy had told Colin what conspired between the two while he was away. Ephram was also sure that Colin was none too pleased, judging by the hateful looks Colin shot him in the hallways. That's why Ephram was so surprised when Colin came over to talk, in the middle of Ephram's interlude with a half cooked cheeseburger with limp fries in the school's cafeteria.

"Brown."

Ephram looked at Wendell meaningfully. Wendell nodded and left the table quickly. Colin watched Wendell scurry off before sitting down opposite Ephram. After adjusting himself in the battered cafeteria chair, Colin looked over to Ephram; a harsh, judging stare that almost unnerved Ephram. Then, all at once, Colin smiled… but it was not a nice smile.

"So I hear you and Amy were getting pretty close while I was out of the picture," Colin said, the unkind smile still dominating his face. Ephram swallowed the facetious comment on the edge of his tongue and smiled slightly.

"Only as close as Amy will let me get."

Colin raised an eyebrow demurely. "And how close was that?"

Ephram rolled his eyes in disgust of the current situation, a quiet action that seemed to aggravate Colin. Colin's jaw tightened and his eyes glittered. "How close did you get to _my_ girlfriend?"

Ephram shot Colin another "look." "_Your_ girlfriend wouldn't leave _me_ alone."

"I heard you didn't exactly pull away yourself there," Colin said pointedly. The corners of his mouth curled upward into a half-smile, half-sneer. "You leave her alone, Ephram. She's all mine."

Ephram stood up, trying not to show how aggravated he was. Not just at Colin's rudeness, but at the situation in general, and how it seemed to twist continually out of his favor. Ephram tried to smile as maliciously as he could, his brain groping for the most hurtful thing he could say.

"She might be all yours _now_, Hart," Ephram emphasized Colin's last name mockingly. "But there are some things that only come… _once_, you know?"

Colin's eyes glittered dangerously, and his mouth parted furiously to fire back, but before he got his chance, Amy appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

Amy smiled sweetly, half-nervously as she stepped in between the two young men. The tension in the air was almost tangible, and it only tightened in the girl's presence. Amy stepped close to Colin, keeping her eyes on Ephram. Ephram tried hard not to show how much that simple, obvious action hurt him, but he was unsure of his success.

Colin's eyes never left Ephram's face as he spoke. "Hey, Amy. What's on your mind?"

Amy was not a stupid girl, and she could sense that unfriendly words had been exchanged between the two boys. She could also sense there was a good chance those words had been about _her_. Taking a deep breath, Amy smiled as sweetly as she could.

"Well, boys, I'm glad to find you two boys… " Amy closed her eyes for a moment and exhaled, trying to clear her mind. "I wanted to talk to you about getting together."

"Getting together?" Ephram repeated blankly. Even Colin looked unsure as they waited for Amy to continue. Blushing slightly, she did.

"I just meant… we need to get past this. All the pointless bickering and snotty remarks," Amy's eyes flickered towards Ephram, who was suddenly aware of all the facetious comments he'd ever made concerning Amy or Colin. "We need to get over it, get together and do something fun. Something to get us all acquainted, to get us past the unresolved feelings between us three."

_We need to get over it,_ Ephram thought bitterly. _She might as well rip out my heart and eat it._

"That sounds good to me, Amy," Colin flashed her a friendly, warm smile as he wheeled his arm around her. His hand rested possessively on her shoulder. Colin then grinned at Ephram as if to say, "She's mine."

Ephram felt oppressed by the expectant expression on Amy's face. Suddenly he felt empty and unwanted, much like he usually did around Amy. A few moments of silence ticked slowly by as Amy waited for Ephram's answer. Ephram swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "Sure… what did you have in mind?"

"Oh!" The sound slipped out of Amy's mouth almost before she realized it. She had prepared herself for an argument, at least from Ephram, and was not prepared for instantaneous agreement. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Her surprise at the positive answers had left her speechless momentarily, but her thoughts quickly fell back in line. "I was thinking of something simple… like ice skating or something. The pond's still frozen, you know?"

"Ice skating?" Ephram and Colin spoke simultaneously, each in the same incredulous tone. At the sound of the other's voice, they turned their heads around to face each other, their eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"I think it sounds fine," Ephram said firmly, his eyes boring deeply into Colin's. He smiled tauntingly. "I'm game."

"Me too," Colin said, trying hard not to grind his teeth. He felt very threatened by Ephram's presence in Amy's life. He knew Amy had emotional stock in Ephram and he also knew she chased Ephram when he wasn't around. That disturbed him, but his anger largely was directed at Ephram.

"Good!" Amy sounded relieved. She heard the unspoken tension in their tones, but had decided to ignore it. She looked up at Colin, smiling and opening her mouth to speak. Before the words came out, the bell above their heads began to ring shrilly.

Without a word, Ephram turned on his heels and strode out the door. He did not glance back over his shoulder, because he knew what he would see: Amy and Colin, hand in hand, walking down the hall to their next class, smiling happily at the surrounding people.


	7. Expectations and the Unexpected

The snow underneath his feet crunched rhythmically as Ephram made his way to the rink. There were only three people skating on the ice, a fact Ephram attributed to the angry, gray clouds above. As he approached the ticket counter, one of the skaters glided smoothly towards him.

"Ephram!" Amy's smile was enhanced by the rosy glow on her cheeks. She looked like an angel. The absurdness of the thought made Ephram's emotional defenses prick at his conscience.

_She's no angel, Eph,_ he told himself firmly._ Always remember that._

He managed to smile and wave. "Hey. Where's Colin?"

"Out there with Bright," Amy said, gesturing wildly with her hands. Her eyes seemed to shine as she looked at him. Stepping off the ice, she grabbed Ephram's shoulder for security. "If you'll help me like so, I'll go with you to get some skates."

"That's not entirely necessary," Ephram kept his polite smile plastered on his face as he and Amy hobbled along. He looked out at the ice and saw Colin staring darkly at them. Resisting the urge to smile tauntingly, Ephram looked away. "Haven't you heard? I'm a big boy now."

Amy laughed. It was a real and true laugh, not the false kind to prevent feelings from being hurt. The sound made Ephram warm inside, making him feel like Amy was within his reach.

"Oh, I think you'll find you need me," Amy laid a hand on Ephram's arm. "The rink's officially closed today, but _I_ have a way in to get your skates."

"Will wonders never cease?" Ephram asked, and they both shared a quick laugh.

After Amy saw Ephram settled with his skates, she left him on the bench to rejoin Colin on the ice. Ephram watched curiously as she skated up to Colin and Bright. Bright rolled his eyes and said something Amy didn't agree with. After a few moments of intense conversation, Bright skated back to the bench.

"Ephram." Bright nodded to acknowledge Ephram. Ephram knew it was a courtesy, so he nodded back.

"Bright." Ephram bent over, lacing his skates tightly. Bright sat down on the other end of the bench, his hands playing nervously in his lap. An uncomfortable silence passed between the two young men, and Ephram found his thoughts drifting. His thoughts seemed to be focusing on Laynie.

_That's logical,_ Ephram reassured himself. _She's the reason you came last time._ A pain ran through him as he thought of the way she'd skated circles around him, the way she'd kiss him, and the way she'd look at him when she thought he wasn't looking. He remembered their other times together, seemingly so few and far between. But they were good times, some of the only good times that shined through the miserable year following his mother's death. The other times, good or bad seemed to align themselves around Amy. A sudden realization struck Ephram at that particular moment.

He loved Amy.

That in and of itself wasn't particularly shocking to Ephram, but the thought that he'd _always_ love Amy. No matter where he went or who he was with, he'd always care for Amy in a special way. Why, he could never be sure of, but he knew it was a fact. The rest of his life, he'd have Amy on his mind. She might fade for awhile, but she'd never fully be gone. That much was apparent when Laynie had told him goodbye. She had known it then; no matter how much she'd care for Ephram, he'd always reserve part of himself for Amy… or, more accurately, the hope that Amy would be his.

"Hey, Ephram?" Bright seemed unusually agitated. Ephram broke off his train of thought to look Bright squarely in the face.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be here, you don't want to be here: am I right?"

"Wait, why _are_ you here?" Ephram asked, raising an eyebrow. Bright waved the thought away.

"Yes or no: do you want to be here? With Colin and Amy?"

"No," Ephram answered, quickly and honestly. Bright half-grinned.

"How 'bout I pretend to seize, you make sure I don't swallow my tongue, and we all get home in time to watch primetime?"

"Sounds like a plan," Ephram said, not able to suppress a laugh. The motion made him feel better until Bright sighed heavily.

"You know, we really should go out there. Amy's expecting us."

"I know," Ephram said, exhaling forcefully. Across the ice, he could see Amy's bright pink parka, her hand upraised and waving them over. "I'll make you a deal, Bright."

"Yeah, and what would that be?" Bright stood up.

"If they decide to riot, you take Amy and I'll take Colin."

"Deal," Bright said, with a short, barkish sort of laugh. The two managed to skate their way over to Amy and Colin. Amy was smiling as she balanced herself on Colin. Colin stood unmoving on the ice, staring coldly at both Bright and Ephram.

"Took you guys long enough," Amy said with the right amount of playfulness in her voice. Ephram bit his tongue to prevent him from saying something that might hurt Amy. It was obvious she was enjoying herself, even though it was just as obvious everyone else wasn't.

Amy seemed to realize she was the only person skating, so she stopped and put her hands on her hips. "Guys! The whole purpose of this is to be _fun_."

"Fun, right. Like ripping off my toenails on Saturday night," Bright said, giving his sister a "look." Amy stiffened.

"Fine. We'll leave."

"No, we'll not leave," Colin said, catching Amy's hand and pulling her back beside him. He eyed Bright. "This is _fun_, right Bright?"

"Whatever, dude," Bright frowned at his childhood friend. "I want to go get something to eat."

"You're _always_ hungry, Bright," Amy said, clearly annoyed. She looked at Ephram, who was standing a few feet away, silently observing the whole conversation. "What do you think, Ephram?"

Ephram looked at each member of the group, silently assessing their attitudes by their body language. Bright, as stated, clearly didn't want to be here. He still had issues with Colin, not to mention Ephram. Colin definitely didn't want to be here; he only wanted to stay because Amy wished it, and he thought it disturbed Ephram. Amy truly wanted them all to get along.

_Probably so she can have all her toys all around her at once… and not worry about pissing anyone off,_ Ephram thought, immediately chastising himself. He took a deep breath as he decided to tell the truth.

"I personally would rather be licking fungus off of unknown rocks in the rainforest," Ephram stated, keeping his voice purposely at a low, monotone. Colin's jaw tightened and Amy looked like she might cry. Ephram continued, "But if Amy wants me here, I'll be here." Ephram shrugged. "Simple as that."

"Simple as that, my foot!" Colin pushed Amy aside. The anger blazed forth from his eyes, but even Colin could not decide what made him angrier. Was it the fact another young man was competing for his girlfriends affections? Or maybe the fact his girlfriend didn't immediately turn those affections away? Or was it simply that Ephram so blatantly hurt Amy's feelings?

Whatever the reason, Colin was ready to fight. Rather than skating, he stepped in quick, choppy strides over to Ephram. Before any words could be said, Colin's fist met Ephram's chin, sending Ephram head over heels.

_Not again,_ Ephram thought, as he laid on the ground, staring at the darkening sky above him. _I'm getting tired of being Colin's punching bag._

"Colin!" Amy screamed, temporarily immobilized. She watched in morbid fascination as Colin leapt on Ephram and began flinging his fists. It seemed he had no real target area; first he would hit Ephram's head, then his body. Ephram put his hands on Colin's wrists and jerked them sideways, sending Colin across the ice.

Amy, regaining her mobility, glared at Ephram as she started towards Colin. Before she reached him, however, a low whine cracked through the air. Bright opened his mouth to warn Colin, but he was too late. The ice below Colin shattered almost instantly, plunging Colin into the freezing waters below.


	8. The Choice

"NO!" Amy cried, running towards the spot Colin had fallen through. Bright caught her by the waist and pulled her back, trying to dodge her flailing limbs.

"Amy, no! Amy, stop struggling. You can't go on that ice. Calm down so you can help Colin. Amy! Amy!" Bright shouted in her ear, trying to make her think rationally. It was a futile attempt, as Amy's mind was full of the images of Colin falling through the ice.

Ephram struggled to his knees, ignoring the dampness on his shoulder blades. He glanced at Amy, who was staring at the broken ice. Taking a deep breath, Ephram turned around and laid on his stomach. Cautiously, he slowly made his way towards the exposed water, carefully distributing his weight. He would have felt more at ease if Bright was holding his ankles, to make a more complete chain, but Bright was busy keeping Amy at bay. An important job, because Amy's actions could get Colin killed.

"Hurry it up! Dammit, Ephram, you hurry it up!" Amy screamed. Her eyes were red, partially because of the cold, partially because of her tears, and partially because of her frustration. Her struggles against Bright weren't as forceful as she breathlessly watched Ephram creep across the ice.

It seemed to Ephram an eternity as he crawled across the ice. He could see a hand sticking out of the water, weakly seeking a surface. At last Ephram was in reach. Extending an arm, he grabbed the hand and pulled. Colin's hand gripped into Ephram's arm tightly, digging into Ephram's skin even through his thick winter coat. Ephram gasped at the intensity and the pain, but continued pulling. Seconds later Colin's head popped out of the water.

Colin began sucking in breath quickly and deeply. He was cold; very cold. Ephram extended his other hand to grab Colin's coat and pull. Soon, Colin's torso was on the ice, but Ephram's muscles screamed in their fatigue. Ephram stopped a second, rolling over onto his side to catch his breath.

"What are you doing? Ephram, get Colin out!" Amy cried, her heart beating wildly. Colin was half out; why did Ephram choose now to stop?

"I… can't… have to… rest…" Ephram panted. "So heavy."

Bright saw Ephram's exhaustion and let go of Amy's arms, intending to go forward and aid Ephram. Before he left Amy's side, another cracking sound whistled through the air. The ice cracked again, but this time it was Ephram who fell through.

"Oh, no," Bright uttered mindlessly, watching Ephram go down. Colin, also, began to slip back into the water. Amy wrenched herself away from Bright, got on her stomach and anxiously crawled forward. When she got to the edge of the ice, she saw both Ephram and Colin, struggling against their heaving clothing to reach the surface.

Frantically, Amy glanced between the two, the pressing need for speed present in her mind. Colin was nearer, but Ephram was sinking faster. In a split second Amy made her choice, and extended her hand towards Colin, who accepted it with an icy grip of his own. Amy began to strain to pull Colin to relative safety.

Ephram was trying to tread water, watching Amy struggle. Amy sensed she was being watched and looked over towards him. He had the saddest look on his face, knowing she'd chosen Colin over him, but Amy ignored it, focusing her entire being on pulling Colin out.

Bright looked at Amy, who was busy trying to save Colin. He saw her look away from Ephram, dismissing him from her at that moment. Bright knew if Ephram were to be saved, it was up to him. Getting on his stomach, Bright crawled forward. At the edge, he extended one his strong, conditioned arms. Feebly, Ephram tried to raise his own arms, but it took him four attempts to make contact. Bright began pulling, and soon had Ephram out of the water.

Bright stood over Ephram, who was shivering violently. Bright snaked his arms underneath Ephram's and pulled Ephram to the side of the rink, propping him up on a snowdrift. After he was sure Ephram was okay, Bright turned and made his way back to Amy as quickly as he could. With Bright's assistance, Colin was soon resting on a snowdrift all his own.

Amy sunk to her knees at Colin's side. Her eyes never left his face as her hands sought out his. Colin's eyes opened and he saw her, a faint smile forming on his lips. She smiled back as best she could before laying her head on his. "Hold on, Colin. You're going to be okay; you've beaten worse things that this."

"Amy, give me your cell phone," Bright's voice reeked of urgency. Without taking her eyes from Colin, she reached into her coat, retrieved the phone and tossed it to Bright. Bright caught it and made the 9-1-1 call. When he was done, he pocketed the phone and collapsed breathlessly on the ice, a mere yard from Ephram.

Ephram was off to the side, laying alone for all intents and purposes. Ephram's breathing was heavy and labored; his chest rose and fell haltingly. His nose and chin quivered simultaneously as his nose began to run. His eyes were watery and distant, flickering about frantically, trying to focus and see his surroundings. Finally, his roving eyes found Amy and he sighed in recognition.

Amy was still hovering over Colin, her hands alternately massaging his hands and lower arms. Bright was sitting in the snow next to Ephram, trying to catch his breath after pulling Ephram back to the shore. Amy glanced at Bright, then down at Ephram. Ephram was beginning to shake gently, making tiny indentations in the snow. Amy stayed near Colin, shifting her body so that Colin's head could rest on her lap.

Bright looked nervously over at Amy. The tears were already running down her face, freezing on her cheek halfway down. Her hands tightened around Colin's and she bit her lip. With great hesitation, she looked away from Ephram's shivering form and concentrated on Colin.

_Just close your eyes, Amy_, she told herself, closing her eyes tightly. She bit her bottom lip as hard as she could. _It will be fine… it will all be fine. Just take a close your eyes and breathe… It'll be over soon._

Bright stared at Amy, who was rocking gently back and forth, still holding Colin's head. She was moving her mouth like she was praying, but no sound came from her lips. Bright looked at Ephram. His eyes were still open but no longer staring at Amy. Tears were streaming quietly down Ephram's face, a fact Bright found disturbingly disconcerting. Bright opened his mouth to say something—anything—that might help, but he found himself speechless.

"Amy?" Ephram coughed. Amy's head jerked towards him, but she did not move. When it was apparent Amy wasn't going to come to him, Ephram closed his eyes tightly. His breathing caught several times before he exhaled.

When he opened his eyes, Ephram stared at the grey sky before him. He smiled bitter sweetly as he said, "My ice queen to the end."

"Ice queen?" Bright asked, plainly confused. He got to his knees and leaned over Ephram. He was worried about both young men, but although Colin had been in the water longer, Ephram seemed to be the worse off. Ephram's eyes were glittering, his nose red and runny. His cheeks were bright pink with spots of white dispersed through his face. Mucus was running out of his nose, but Ephram could not feel it as he gently shuddered in his frozen position.

Ephram forced his thoughts away from Amy and her final choice, turning them instead towards his family. He thought of his mother and wondered about her final thoughts. He wondered if she thought of him, or his father, or Delia… or did her thoughts light upon her parents, or her friends? Or even her adulterous lover? Ephram would have sworn thoughts like these would provoke him to blinding rage, but he felt strangely empty. He wasn't sure if it was his body or his soul that was numb.

His thoughts then lighted on his father, and a pang of guilt washed over Ephram. He was sorry he'd been so hard on his dad, sorry things hadn't worked out differently. Ephram was also sorry for Delia. They had shared a special sibling relationship. Even though it hadn't been as close and tight woven as others, it was a special understanding relationship that he was sure to miss.

The red flickering of light was visible before they heard the ambulance siren. Amy smiled in tearful relief. Leaning over she whispered into Colin's ear, "Here they come, Colin. Hang on… hang on." She whispered quickly and harshly, trying to ignore Ephram's small form.

Bright was at a loss as he stared down at Ephram, any words he wanted to say stuck deep in his throat. Ephram's lips parted as his eyes closed, sucking air into his lungs without great success. The shaking stopped and his lips twitched into a final half-smile, half-sneer as he whispered with difficulty, "Cold heart…"

Then Ephram was still, his body no longer feeling the biting cold of the ice beneath it.


	9. Breaking Andy Brown

Andrew Brown was at the Denver hospital almost before the ambulances. Delia, armed with a pillow and a paperback, straggled into the waiting room behind him. Amy was already there, chewing on her nails and casting anxious glances at the hospital employees roaming about her. Bright stood by in a corner, staring silently out the window.

"Dr. Brown!" Amy ran across the room to him. She hugged him tightly. "Thank the Lord you're here—maybe they'll tell _you_ something."

"Amy, what happened?" The parental concern in Andy's voice could not be hidden. "What happened today?" Andy released Amy and set her an arm's length away so he could watch her. Delia came up from behind Andy, peering around his body to stare at Amy.

"I… I don't know, Dr. Brown. We were ice skating one moment, just hanging out. Next thing I know, we're pulling Colin and Ephram out of the water. It was so crazy and fast, I…" Amy let the sentence hang. "I just don't know."

"That's okay, Amy. Let me find a doctor, while you and Delia sit here. Can you do that?" Andy smiled gently, although his heart began to pound. It had been a bitterly cold day, and the water would have been deathly cold. The hospital call had revealed nothing to him, even though he told them he was a doctor. He was anxious to check on Ephram; a feeling in his gut told him something was horribly wrong.

"I'll take care of her, Dad," Delia smiled charmingly, showing off a missing tooth. Andy smiled distractedly before kissing the top of her head, then he turned and stalked towards the nurses' station.

Bright watched Delia and Amy sit down, talking idly about a television show they both watched. He shook his head – he knew Amy remembered more than she told Dr. Brown… and it bothered him. Not that he himself was a close friend of Ephram's; he just knew from experience lying to people could cut you up inside. He had learned that the hard way with the Harts.

Suddenly, a great uproar rose from down the hallway. With a sinking feeling in his gut, Bright tore himself from his window and walked around, trying to see the cause of the commotion. Amy and Delia followed, their own hearts beating wildly. What Amy saw, she would never forget.

Dr. Brown was down on his knees, shaking angry fists at the ceiling. Tears were reluctantly sliding down his face, trailing off into his beard. His chin was quivering fiercely, making his breathing appear even more halting. Many of his hot, angry words were intelligible, but Amy's heart sank when she heard him cry, "Oh, God, no! He was so young… too young!"

"Daddy?" Delia asked hesitantly, her young eyes wide in wonder. She'd never seen her father act like this, not even when her mother had been killed. "Daddy?"

"Is it Colin?" Amy asked quickly, hating herself for saying it, but having to none the less.

Andrew Brown's eyes roved around the room until he found Amy, and they were suddenly full of anger and hardness. His eyelids flickered uncertainly a few times before he shook his head.

"Ephram?" Delia asked, suddenly aware something terrible had happened to her older brother. "Daddy's what's wrong with Ephram?"

By this time, various medical personnel had helped Andrew to his feet. He was beginning to calm down, but a burning, bitter sensation was rapidly filling his mind. He opened his mouth, ready to deny what they had told him, but he found he could not. Looking into Delia's round, wide eyes, he felt himself break.

"Ephram's dead."


	10. Saying Goodbye

"You have a cold heart, Amy. You're like an ice queen, all frozen and distant."

The words tumbled around in Amy's mind, making her head ache. The memory of Ephram's face was burned into her brain; it was an image that she saw constantly, even if she closed her eyes. It was most disconcerting when she was with Colin, hugging and cuddling. After all, it was a decidedly difficult thing to be intimate with a person when your mind was fully with someone else.

Ice queen… ice queen… ice queen… 

It was at that point the memory got hazy, blurring at the edges slightly as Ephram's lanky frame turned. His shoulders drooped in his sadness as he walked slowly away, staring at the ground as if he didn't care where he was going. Amy remembered fighting her feeling to flee after him, to kiss him and to tell him it all didn't matter; not Colin, not any one but he.

She also remembered the thousand moments she and Colin had spent together… The lazy summer afternoons, the long autumn days spent juggling school and a million other things… The good times that involved a lot of kissing and hugging… The bad times that stood ingrained in her memory as hospital trips and anxious waiting in impersonal hospital waiting rooms.

_Ice queen… ice queen… ice queen…_

And now, a new bad memory was being etched into her brain. She stood in line at Everwood's only funeral parlor, waiting for her chance to view Ephram's body before they buried him. It was a grueling task, even though Colin was right beside her, holding tightly to her hand. His head had hit the ice in his fall and was carefully bandaged up, but he didn't seem to notice as he stared at his feet.

_Ice queen… ice queen… ice queen…_

_I am an ice queen,_ Amy thought firmly, staring blankly at the casket in front of her. _How else could I stand by and watch this like it doesn't effect me?_

Suddenly, it was Amy's turn to pay her last respects. She forced her mind and energies to this silent task, looking down at the young man before her.

Ephram looked like he was sleeping. Amy realized even as she thought this how cliché it sounded, even in her own head, but it was true. He looked like he was dreaming peacefully, as if he were going to be woken up at five o'clock to prepare for school. Of course, Ephram wouldn't be sleeping in his best suit and tie; that would just be ridiculous. He'd only muss them up, biking to school… The thought crossed Amy's mind that Ephram would never again go to school and it choked her up. Determined not to succumb to her sudden weakness, Amy lifted her head and let her gaze wander to the pews.

Colin was still holding her hand, and he squeezed it gently. The silent gesture reminded Amy she had to finish making her peace with the dead. Amy caught Colin's eyes and shook her head, tightening her lips to tell Colin she wasn't ready. Colin nodding his understanding but fidgeted uncomfortably. The bandaging on his head was itchy and irritating, but not nearly as irritating as the thought of Amy lost in thought of a different person that he.

Amy disjointedly began to study the various adornments to Ephram's final resting-place. There were flowers of all kinds, all colors, but it was not the floral arrangements that caught her interest. It was the collage of photos that had been pieced together, commemorating the youth lost. Photos of Ephram when he was younger, photos with his mother and later Delia. Photos of Ephram in Everwood; photos of Ephram with _her_. Amy's breath caught slightly as she saw the pictures of her and Ephram. In all of them, they were smiling as if they couldn't be happier. Amy pushed down the emotions inside of her that threatened to bubble out and cause a ruckus.

Amy was preparing to go back to her seat when her eyes lit on the big picture frame resting on the table next to Ephram. In the ornate frame was a professional picture of a smiling, clean-cut Ephram. Somehow, the photographer had managed to capture a real smile—not one of those false, portrait smiles, but a genuine smile. Eerily the picture seemed to stare at her, gawking at her, daring her to cry. The blood rushed up to her cheeks and began to pound violently in her head as a sudden realization crept up on her.

She wasn't ready to let go of Ephram. She loved Colin and could not deny that fact, even now, as she looked down at Ephram's peaceful form… But she could not let him go. Something inside her cried out and the part of her that loved Ephram was aching. But Amy knew that part of her would remain hidden from the world—Colin included—and would never surface again. After today, she'd put it behind her, leaving it to dust and decay in the furthest corners of her mind. She would deticate herself to Colin and their future together, never again dwelling on the subject of Ephram Brown.

Abruptly, Amy turned on her heels and began walking down one of the side aisles, heading back to her seat in the rows of mourners. Colin followed her, shrugging off the strange looks Amy received from the other townsfolk. Amy found her former seat and sat down silently. Colin sat down beside Amy, extending his arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm reassuringly.

The line of those who wished to pay their last respects to Ephram Brown was shortening, but it seemed as though an eternity passed as each one stepped up the casket and beheld Ephram in his post-mortem glory. Some began to sob and had to be lead away; others nodded tearfully and turned away from the garish sight, biting their lips to keep from crying. Ephram's maternal grandmother actually fainted, making Amy want to giggle for some morbid reason.

To keep from embarrassing herself or revealing her true feelings, Amy made herself stop staring at the sleek black coffin which seemed to dominate the huge sanctuary. Instead, she began to study the mourners. It seemed that the entire town had turned up to bid Ephram goodbye. Amy saw her friends and neighbors, all sitting sadly around her. She saw strange faces that looked vaguely familiar and reasoned they must be relatives of the Brown's from out of town. She even saw many of the kids from their high school, ranging from freshman to senior. Amy wondered why they bothered to come; most of them hadn't cared a wink for Ephram when he was alive.

_When he was alive._ The words sent a shiver down Amy's spine, causing her to shake involuntarily. Colin looked over with genuine concern in his eyes. The feelings of jealousy and envy had left him the moment he'd seen Ephram's closed eyes in the casket. Such feelings were useless and trivial; something Colin had with quickly come to terms. Though the lesson had been harsh, he knew he would never again have to learn to put things into perspective. Petty differences and arguments weren't enough to die over.

"I'm fine," Amy whispered, her eyes drifting to the front-most pew. It was there the famous Andrew Brown sat, his arm around his daughter as he stared at the black casket in disbelief. He had shaved off his beard for the funeral, although no one knew why. With clouded eyes, he watched the proceedings, keeping his face set at all times.

When all the mourners had their turn in line, Andy Brown stood up and walked to the casket, holding Delia's hand. Andy looked down at his son and began sobbing brokenly. All barriers had been swept away as the brutal reality made itself real to him. His heart felt as though it would break, and it was then Delia squeezed her father's hand. It wasn't much; just a simple sign of affection. Andy smiled down at his daughter gratefully. Taking a deep breath, he collected himself as best he could and turned around.

It was time for the burial.


	11. Responsibility

Many of the Everwood townsfolk did not understand the rituals performed over Ephram's casket. The rabbi was speaking in Hebrew, so many just kept silent and gave Ephram their own private send offs.

Amy watched the proceedings disjointedly, feeling she should not take part. After all, it was her fault Ephram was dead.

_My fault?_ Amy asked herself, shocked at the revelation. _I do blame myself for his death. I am responsible for this funeral!_ Her thoughts whirled around brokenly in her head. She took a deep breath to try and slow them down, but to no avail. She had tried to deny that to herself, these past three days, but she could ignore it no longer. She would have to face it, and deal with it on her own.

_I killed Ephram to save Colin._ Amy cast a sideways glance at Colin, who was sitting next to her. He caught her eye and smiled briefly, giving her hand a squeeze. Amy found herself unable to smile back.

_Was it up to me to make that horrible decision?_ She asked herself. No longer was she even attempting to follow the ceremony, but focused instead on the battle waging inside her. _Was it my choice? Did I make the right one?_

Amy looked across the casket to the Brown family. There were only two now; father and daughter. Only two because of a decision. She looked down at the single stem rose she held in her hands. She meant to give it to Dr. Brown afterwards, to apologize for the horrible event.

_Do I regret my decision?_ Amy asked herself. _Do I? Did I save the wrong man?_

Amy glanced at Colin again, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in her stomach. She glanced to her other side, where Bright was sitting, moodily staring at the hole in the ground before them. Amy felt a pang of guilt. _Bright thinks I made a mistake… Bright thinks I killed Ephram, too._

Finally, it came down to the part of the ceremony where the coffin would be lowered into the ground. Everyone stood expectantly, ignoring the drops of rain suddenly dripping from the sky. Words were being exchanged, but Amy couldn't quite hear them as she stared at the coffin, hating and fearing it all at the same time. The coffin began to move, lumbering into its place in the ground.

"Wait!" Amy said urgently, her eyes never leaving the coffin. Everyone looked at her in surprise—Colin, Bright, the Browns—but she didn't care anymore. Amy lifted the rose to her nose and sniffed, ignoring the tear that slid down her cheek. She stepped forward and laid down the red rose, right where she thought his heart would be. Stepping back, she was struck by how like Ephram's lips the rose was: so red and vibrant, a wonderful splash of color in a dreary day.

_Goodbye, Ephram,_ she thought sadly, surprised at how miserable she felt inside. Wiping hastily at her eyes, she nodded that she was done. She watched the coffin enter the ground, and as soon as it hit the earth, she turned on her heels and walked away.


	12. Epilogue

Later that night, Amy Abbott was not as strong as she had appeared at the wake. She was not as unaffected as her attitude lead others to believe; deep inside, her heart was cracked and bleeding. She tried to let the tears out, to have a good cry and let it all out, for once and for always… but the tears stubbornly refused to come. Instead, they welt up in her eyes, making them red and puffy.

Her father had been at her door a little more than an hour ago, offering his services as a faithful father in a time of need. She had smiled and told him calmly she was okay and needed nothing. But as soon as he left, her visage crumpled and she was left curled up on her bed, an awful ache filling her belly.

For hours, she writhed, tossed and turned in her bed. She heard her clock tick the minutes and hours off faithfully, the tiny noise seemingly booming in the quiet room. When the faintest bit of sunshine broke through the window, she sat up. Wiping at her dry eyes, she bent over and rummaged around under her bed. When she found what she was looking for, she lay on her stomach, sprawled carelessly over her unmade bed.

Amy ran her fingers over the stiff, leather cover of her journal. Taking a deep breath, she took a pen from her night table and began to write furiously.

_Today I felt my heart harden. Truly, now, I am an ice queen. My mind is set. Life makes you make hard decisions—terrible decisions. Decisions you must live by, and you alone. I made a decision and I am not sorry. I refuse to be sorry that I plucked my boyfriend from a frozen river; to save his life instead of another. I made that choice and I can live with it. _

_I regret nothing._

Again, tears loomed. Amy shut the book quickly and swiped angrily at her eyes. To keep from breaking, she concentrated on the sunshine that was filtering its way in her bedroom full force as the sun began to rise in earnest. She stood and crossed her floor to look out the window. She looked at the trees, glistening in the early morning light. She saw the people and cars busily filling the street in normal morning day traffic. She heard her own house begin to come to life and prepare for a new day… and all of the sudden it hit her. Life will go on, no matter what.

Amy stared out the window, but her eyes were not focusing on the scenery. What she was seeing was far, far away in a much different place that she was now. She took a deep breath.

"I regret nothing," she said in a cold, regal sort of way, still staring out the window.


End file.
